Free tantrum cooldown timer using the 1 minute per year rule. Start immediately after a meltdown begins. Neutral timer gives the child a clear endpoint. Start instantly.
The standard clinical guideline is 1 minute per year of age: 2 years = 2 minutes, 3 years = 3 minutes, 5 years = 5 minutes. Maximum effective duration is 5 minutes — longer periods lose effectiveness and become punitive. Under 2 years, time out is not developmentally appropriate.
Time out is consequence-based: the child is removed from attention as a response to behaviour. Cooldown is regulation-based: the child is given space and time to calm their nervous system before reconnecting. Many child psychologists now favour the cooldown framing, especially the "calm down corner" approach with comfort items.
Younger children (under 4): sit in a designated calm-down space. Older children (4+) can be given simple calm-down tools: a breathing card, a small fidget, or a comfort item. Do not expect the child to reflect on their behaviour during the timer — the neurological capacity for retrospective self-assessment develops later.
For young toddlers (under 2.5), stay nearby and maintain calm non-verbal presence. For older children (3+), brief physical separation (leaving the room) is part of the intervention — it removes the reinforcement of parental attention. Return promptly when the timer sounds.
Keep it brief and forward-looking: brief acknowledgement ("I can see that was really hard"), short statement of the boundary if needed, reconnection hug. Do not lecture — the lesson in the moment of reconnection is empathy, not explanation. Long post-tantrum discussions are not effective at ages 2-5.